


sad prayers for guilty bodies

by bunnieju



Series: atropos [6]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Damn I kinda went overboard, Edge of a Cliff, Fire, I am not joking if people do not understand i will dead dove this, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Religious Cults, Religious Guilt, Suicide, Violence, also renle are in love, fake deep, its not as explicit as i make it out to be but suicide is a central theme!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:02:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23939599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bunnieju/pseuds/bunnieju
Summary: "See, I was dead when I woke up this morning,And I'll be dead before the day is done."orTwo boys sat side by side on the towering ramparts of dirt and stone with discarded weapons scattered in the area behind them, the dazzling diamond that was the ocean stretched far beyond what their eyes could see reflected a melancholic deep blue — a mirror of their short-lived lives.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Zhong Chen Le
Series: atropos [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692334
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	sad prayers for guilty bodies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreamcities](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamcities/gifts).



> for jess! 
> 
> this shouldn't have turned out this like i'm so sorry...
> 
> soundtrack:  
> seven devils - florence + the machine  
> r.i.p to my youth - the neighborhood  
> the end. - my chemical romance  
> goner - twenty one pilots  
> i'll surely die - the rubens

“The culprits have been reported to have entered the Cloud Cliff woods on foot, armed with three pistols and multiple throwable weapons. Do not shoot to kill…”

It was 4:38 pm on a Thursday when the static of the radio broke through the quiet chirping of the birds in the Cloud Cliff woods. Two boys sat side by side on the towering ramparts of dirt and stone with discarded weapons scattered in the area behind them, the dazzling diamond that was the ocean stretched far beyond what their eyes could see reflected a melancholic deep blue — a mirror of their short-lived lives.

“I repeat, do not shoot to kill! A penalty will come to whoever kills! They have been requested alive for trial with the High Council for their crimes against our benevolent system.”

The beautiful baby blue sky was dappled with immaculate ever-changing art in the form of white clouds, drifting with an unnatural slowness to them in those fast passing minutes. Through their cracks spilled golden hues of sunshine that burned at their pale bodies, but not as harsh as the fire they’d deliberately started on the foundations of their fate. They’d set fire to their world, now every inch of them tasted like smoke, now every part of them crumbled like ash.

“You and I...we’ll die here, together,” Chenle whispered. They’d already known that already, but having it spoken out loud brought a new solidity to the abstract concept.

Renjun sighed, before stretching out his legs in front of himself. “On the bright side, we caused quite a commotion for the dear old council.”

It was a tragedy that they hadn’t even been able to finish executing their grand plan against the High Council before the Seekers caught a sniff at their unusual activity. They’d tried to pretend they still followed the doctrine, that the High Council were truly the messengers of God, that they hadn’t been in contact with the sinful outsiders nor trying to collect evidence of the High Council’s crimes against human lives. It was a shameful miscalculation to believe that the Seekers did not possess knowledge in technology or that a group of teenagers would be able to outsmart their decades of experience.

They’d been intercepted by the Seekers at their weekly progress meeting that afternoon and had to pull off an improvised plan, opening gunfire upon the Seekers that went to capture them and quite literally setting fire to the Hall of God just to try and buy time for an escape. It hadn’t worked all too well and Seekers had been on their tail, evident by Renjun and Chenle now sitting on Cloud Cliff as their personally improvised plan B.

“Yeah, we did.” Chenle smiled and turned his head to face Renjun, only to find Renjun already looking at him with a similar smile. A warmth filled his chest, mixing with the cold sadness that had already claimed a spot, and Chenle reached across the small distance to intertwine their hands.

Their intertwined fingers gave a familiar glint of matching rings, a memory of a kiss ghosted on their lips, and a stare that promised forever. Love was a black and white concept when they had met as kids with heavy souls and shattered eyes, but it had proven to be a bittersweet blue, with hints of perfect purple where they’d seen it mingle with youth.

“Team A will search the path down to the beach, Team B will search the area of the clearing, and Team C will search the cliff area.” The static dirtied voice of their stolen mini-radio alerted them of the Seekers’ plans. Renjun immediately tossed the mini-radio into the ocean, knowing that their time was coming to an end.

This was their fate — their unbecoming — and they should have seen it approaching through their crumbling plans. Trying to take down an organization so deep-rooted into the hearts and foundations of this community? They were kids that bit off more than they could ever dream to chew. Deep down there was a relief that it was them and not the others, that thanks to their sacrifice the others will be able to escape this cursed place. But that was overshadowed by the guilt of leaving, the guilt of what they’d done to those they were conditioned to love, the guilt of never being able to spend their lives together.

But should’ve they felt guilt? For the family they’d disappointed? For the friends they’d leave behind? For the community that they’ve betrayed? Should’ve they felt guilt for the path they thought was right? And would God forgive them if it wasn’t truly right?

Maybe God, if God even existed, would allow them to finally find peace. After all, they’d been taught that God - whoever they were - was a benevolent and understanding God. They were taught that God loved them very much and that God would judge their sins accordingly and maybe allow them to reside in happiness forever. So, wouldn’t God forgive them for doing what they thought was right? Wouldn’t God embrace them with a warmth they were never allowed in his malicious creation? God owed them that at least.

And did it even matter if God would forgive them if they’d stop trusting in him so long ago? 

Chenle felt the urge to pray, just as it had been conditioned into him. Renjun did not feel this urge to pray, but he felt another desperation. The mutual desperation of the boys to have an afterlife to cling to; that this life wasn’t just it for the both of them, that they had an eternity left with each other. Maybe that was the need greater than the forgiveness of a god.

“Come on, let’s get ready.” 

Renjun lifted himself off the ground, dusting off his torn and blood white pants before stretching a hand out to Chenle. Chenle took the hand and also rose from the ground, but did not attempt to dust off his equally torn and bloody white pants, for he had no honor to protect anymore and all that he’d ever wanted to protect was holding his hand.

Together they stepped closer to the edge of the cliff, overlooking the rough waves that crashed against the rocky area. It was a different view from the calm ocean and perfect sky they’d seen that had been revealed with their dangerous steps. Chenle’s heart began racing and his hand tightened around Renjun’s. Renjun, on the other hand, was as calm as can be as a newfound acceptance settled on his existence.

“Don’t be afraid,” Renjun whispered, looking at the pained look on Chenle’s face. “I’m here, darling.”

Chenle met Renjun’s eyes but that did nothing to calm his shaking body. Yet Chenle did not fear death itself, death was nothing compared to the idea of this being the end of Chenle and Renjun’s intertwined existence. His eyes did not tear up, as tears had no place in their situation, but he wished he’d have a way to release the currents of fear that zapped at his body.

“Ah, Chenle,” Renjun frowned, cupping Chenle’s face with his hands and stepping in closer. “Remember that it’s you and I, forever. No god nor person will be able to change that, because across all existence I choose you and I’ll stay with you.”

It was unfair. Why did they have to end up like this? Had they done something to deserve it? They were young, what could they have done to deserve such a violent, unforgiving end? It was unfair. They deserved to see their friends and family grow with them. It was unfair. They deserved to grow old together, in love. It was so unfair. 

Renjun and Chenle both knew that the next morning their community would gather in the streets, to mourn the sinful death of two boys that had allowed devils to taint them. Prayers would be muttered in their names, for the guilty bodies that had been made of innocent souls. As it hadn’t been them and their God giving the boys the choice of suicide or terrible torture.

Renjun leaned forward, joining their lips for a brief moment before shouts could be heard from the woods behind them. Time was running out.

“They’re over here! They’re on the cliff edge!”

Chenle let out a shaky breath, stepping back and the boys looked toward the woods where they could see the distant figures of Seekers darting between trees. Renjun and Chenle held hands once more, the metal of their rings touching. Their eyes met with a last sad smile.

“I’ll see you on the other side.” Renjun’s eye glinted with longing. “I love you.”

“I’ll see you there, I love you.” Chenle whispered.

And they were falling. It was as if time had slowed, and for a moment it was just them with hands linked together and the endless blue. Impact drew closer, was this a death or a rebirth? It didn’t matter, it was just unfair. The wind made it impossible for them to breathe, but they needed no more breaths. Their eyes eventually closed, but they needed no more seeing that swallowing blue. They’d both crawled back to a saddening conditioned prayer, but there was no salvation for guilty bodies.


End file.
